1985 INCIDENT

Its a saturday during the school semester. I have an assignment to complete
and have booked an IBM PC in the computer room. The machine becomes
available and I jump on but I have left my disks in my locker. The locker is
in the same building but inside the part of the campus controlled by
security. I have one hour to get my disks and get the job done before I lose
that machine so I exit the building and run east to the security office,
then west back into the engineering building.

I got the disks and ran back, exhausted. My hands were shaking and my legs
were weak, but I made it on time. Got the job done. After my hour it was a
bit hectic. Helping other students with their coding problems. Letting my
mood carry me along. Then at about 14:00 I called it a day and went to the
station. Normally I would take the bus home from Blackburn station but there
was ten minutes to wait and I couldn't stand sitting around. The bus takes a
longer route than I can take walking so I took off, intending to meet the
bus at Blackburn road.

Hit the intersection of Springfield and Blackburn roads still ahead of the
bus and kept walking. Got to keep moving. Betwen stops I kept a look out
behind me but it didn't come. At every stop I had a good look and decided to
try to make the next stop.

Blackburn road falls gently to the north here so I was walking down hill,
making good time. The footpath clearly delineating my trajectory. Then its
almost like I went unconcious for a moment, still walking, still making
time. Again and this time I could feel it pressing me down and I thought
better get on the grass so I diverted from my route onto the nature strip
towards the road.

I can see a machine overhead measuring things. Man in a uniform. Me saying
thanks. No memories for a while.

Called a friend and got a lift to Box Hill Hospital.

DECEMBER 12, 2009 INCIDENT

Its the Friday, 11 December. Good rain for once. Bucketing down. I can't
take the tram because I am taking Nicholas to school this morning then I
have my last ever Fracture Clinic appointment at the Royal Melbourne
Hospital at about 09:15 so I have the van which is a really stupid way to
get around in this part of Melbourne. Before the fracture I broke my arm.
Then I took the tram. Recently I have been getting back on the bike.

Waited ages for the doctor but I had to wait. Coded on my laptop until I
couldn't stand it anymore. Doctor saw me. X-Rays look great. Take easy for
six months but otherwise okay. Ran back to the van in the heavy rain. Tried
to get a park near work. Drove around the streets couldn't find anything.
Wound up right back in North Melbourne. Filled the meter with the coins I
had, not enough, then tried to run for the tram through docklands. Christ
I'm late. Found a tram but it went the wrong way. Got off further from work
now. Busted myself running for a tram going the right way but then it
stopped beacuse these bloody stupid tourists from Sydney got the driver into
a conversation and thats much more interesting than taking people to their
work. Pushed past the tourists. Ran to spencer street still in the rain, got
to keep going. No trams there. Got to work soaked.

So its saturday afternoon now and we have four DVDs to take back to the
library by 20:00 I could do it after dinner but I can't stand sitting around
so I head off out the back. Across Stewart street there is this lane which
goes almost all the way to Lygon street. I usually take it because I like
the cobbles. Hit the end turn left cross Blythe Street, diagonally through
the car part of the Caltex then past the new building. For years there was
scaffold here, making a nicely delineated tunnel over the foot path and
right next door is a place which sells customised clothing and pens, etc.
You know, your company name on this coffee mug, etc. For months they have
had this great flouresent green cycling top in the window but its gone now.
I can't imaging buying cycling gear from there and suddenly its gone anyway.

Lygon street here falls gently to the south towards a channel which
presumably used to meet the Yarra near the mouth of the Merri Creek. Its
just enough of a slope to make walking towards the city a little bit faster
than usual. I am pressed for time. Its almost dinner time so I want to go
straight back.

Crossing Lygon street right ahead of Victoria street where cars always block
the pedestrian crossing I could feel it pressing me down from above and I
new exactly what was going to happen. Got off the road got to keep going got
to sit down somewhere. Pressing down again I'm fucked. Over Victoria found a
seat got the Neo out. Press power to get linux out of suspend close screen
lock dialer dial it got it wrong try again. Its coming all the time now
pressing down. Got a few words in to Fern. People working above me in
hospital clothes. Intermittent memories. My usual cubicle at the Royal
Melbourne Hospital. Nausia, want to vomit. Check the time. Its 8 PM but
somehow I knew that. My watch band is scratched on the outside and my back
hurts like hell. Maybe a cracked rib. 

I ask about the DVDs. She says its the third time I have asked that. DVDs
are okay. A nurse comes in and I tell her about the nausia. She asks me the
usual questions. What is the date. Apparently now I am answering correctly.
Looks like they worked me up for a heart attack, because that is what they
do if a 44 year old male collapses on Lygon street.

MARCH 30, 2010 INCIDENT

I spent the evening of March 29 helping Fern get organised for her trip to Malaysia.
I wanted to back up her laptop but my arm tables were screwed again and I had problems
reaching it from the machine which does the back up. Eventually I put both machines
in my messy office room, balanced on stuff using short ethernet cables because for some
reason I couldn't find my good long one, and got the backup done.

It was enormously stressful because I was working against a deadline and I had to get the
backup done before I went to bed and it kept dragging on and on.

The next day was the 30th and the morning was pretty normal. Lunch came up fast because there
was a lot happening so I walked out to look for food. Just outside the office I felt this
pressure pushing in to me from below and the sides. I felt immensely tired and there was this
gentle hiss or ring in my ears. It came once or twice and then went away. I walked back
into the office and sat down. I didn't know what to think. Bloody thing happened again. 

INTERPRETATION

Initially there is this stress event where I have to do A before B but get
interrupted by C D and E and I panic and seem to stay in this excited state
for a period of time afterwards.

Then for a while I am in the excited state and goals seem to be very
importent. Geting to work. Getting the work done. walking past familiar
landmarks. This shop I know very well. These bus stops I have known all my
life. We follow rhythms when we do these things and maybe the rhythm is
changing, becoming something else without my being aware of it.

Both incidents were preceeded by situations where I got caught between a
fixed schedule and circumstances I couldn't control. I belive the resulting
stress ultimately triggers the seizure, even if the effect is delayed.

25 Years between both seizures, but my brand new Neurologist (the last one
has retired) says I may have had a few in my sleep over the years, wich is
possible. Now that I know how it happens I need to be on the lookout for the
same situation happening again.

Think about a graph for stress levels. Up represents high stress and down represents low
stress. The horizontal axis is time. Periods of high stress are followed by corresponding
periods of relaxation. If I have been stressed the low stress times are actually more prominent.
All three of these incidents happened at a time of great relaxation after a period of stress, consider:

1. Walking home from college, almost there. Feeling good.
2. Walking to the video shop. Plenty of time to return the DVDs. The stress of the previous day gone.
3. Walking out for lunch. Not worrying about work. The stress of the previous night gone.

Interesting that all three involve walking, which I do when I have time on my hands.